The Car Ride Home-Why So Many Kids Quit
As a former competitive athlete, I am grateful my parents had a healthy balance of knowing when to push me to be my best and when to turn the reigns over to me and allow my own intrinsic motivation to be the fuel that drove my desire and passion. I remember some of our conversations during the car ride home as they asked me "How was practice?" The conversations were brief and positive. Most of their questions were simple, such as, "Are you still enjoying gymnastics?" Our conversations after a competition weren’t much different. Those questions sounded like, "how do you think you did today?" and "what do you want to eat?" Let's face it, my gymnastics meet were a family affair and by the time the meets ended, everyone was exhausted from having endured four hours of sitting on hard bleachers. The last thing anyone wanted to do was listen to a play-by-play of what they had just watched.
On the off chance I had not done particularly well and I was upset, my father would help me by asking me if I had done my best. If I assured him that I had, he would respond MY best is all I could do. I would then get a life lesson on how there would always be someone better than me. MY responsibility in practice was to prepare to be MY best and then go out and do MY best every time with the understanding that sometimes MY best would not be good enough; however, that did not mean I was a failure or that I should stop doing or being MY best.
Unfortunately, conversations like the one I shared with my father are too often missing in youth sports today. As a coach for over three decades, I have seen and heard colleagues say athletes are leaving sports sooner than they would like for them to because of the car ride home.
So, what is it about the car ride home that “drives” so many athletes from the sports they love? As a Certified Mindset and Confidence Coach, I can share with you some common mistakes parents are making during the car ride home. If you identify with any of these, I can assure you there is still time to "reverse" course and change the dialogue between you and your athlete.
Well-meaning parents are failing to recognize the that time after a game (or practice) is critical for their athlete. What makes the car ride home such a critical time for the athlete? Kids are physically and emotionally exhausted. This is not the time for parents to choose to make it a "teachable moment” by commenting on the coach’s decisions or their child’s performance (or lack thereof).
What questions to ask during the car ride home?
- Did you do your best today? This question encourages work ethic and integrity.
- What did you learn today? This question also causes self-reflection and encourages further dialogue.
- Did you have fun or what did you enjoy the most about practice/the game today? This question helps the parent to gauge the athletes continued interest in the activity.
- Were you your best self? This question reminds the child of sportsmanship and helps him/her to reflect on his/her behavior.
The key when asking questions is 1) ask open-ended questions in order to create a dialogue and 2) to open a conversation with the child rather than "drill" them immediately after a practice or game.
Three Key takeaways to having a successful car ride home
- Let the athlete drive the conversation. Even in asking the questions, let the child lead.
- Don’t force the conversation. Remember they just finished a game or practice and they are physically and emotionally exhausted.
- Always let them know you love them and are proud of them no matter the outcome of the game or practice.
The car ride home does not have to be stressful for the child or parent. Let’s all work together to create different conversations after practice/game so our children can leave retire from their sports on their own terms.
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Certified Mindset and Confidence Coach Christina Callaway

